Thoughts on the 2004 Election #3

Here’s my plan for deciding the disputed election of 2004. Many people think the Supremes’ decision to hand the election to President Bush the Younger was biased; I think it was merely capricious. This election should be different.

So, this time when - with the help of our friends at Diabold - Florida or Ohio or some other godforsaken place screws up their vote, let’s at least get a little entertainment out of the fracas. I say forget the Supreme Court and Congress and screw the Constitution: let the First Twins mud wrestle the Kerry Daughters, winner’s daddy takes all.

The First Twins may have the benefit of youth, but the Kerry Daughters have the weight advantage. I’d give them equal points for the potential for treachery, eye gouging, nipple twisting, and general viciousness. A pretty fair fight, if you ask me. Fairer, anyway, than entrusting an election to Congress or the Supremes.

Look at it this way: at least it’ll all be over quickly and we can go back to our Big Macs and Big Screen TVs. Oh, wait, we never left them in the first place….