Bobcat

You know it's going to be a strange day when it begins with bobcats. And you live 15 miles out from Midtown Manhattan.



About six weeks ago, my wife and I adopted a stray cat some friends of our in the neighborhood had taken in. The cat is about a year old and is sweet, playful and smart. He'd obviously lived with a family before as he was housebroken and kept trying to get me to give him wet food instead of the healthy dry food we give our other cat. We love him, but unfortunately our other cat doesn't. Fortunately, another neighborhood family has agreed to take him off our hands, and this family has no other pets and a five year old boy who loves nothing better than to play with this cat every time he visits our house.

So this morning I'm loading up the cat's litter box, food, toys, etc into the back of my car so that my wife can take the cat to his new home later on today. Some guy in one of those jeep-like SUVs drives slowly past my house then stops and gets out

Guy: "Are you throwing that away?"

Me: "What" (looking around)

Guy: "The cat box."

Me: "This litter box?" (the one I'm loading into my car at the moment)

Guy: 'Yes, that."

Me: "No, I'm giving it to a friend."

Guy: "But you still have the cat?"

Me: (Wondering where this is going) "Yes, I still have the cat for now."

Guy: Oh, I was asking because I have a bobcat."

Me: "A bobcat?"

Guy: "Yeah, I just got 'em in Arizona."

Me: "A bobcat, as in the wild animal? You mean one of those cats they bred to look like a wildcat?"

Guy: "No, he's a bobcat. Got him for 100 bucks from this man in Arizona."

(At this point I'm wondering what good a litter box would do a bobcat.)

Me: "How old is it?"

Guy: "Eight weeks."

(Now I'm wondering why he doesn't have a litter box already.)

Me: "Dude, you can't have a bobcat - I men, do you have any idea how big their claws get?"

Guy: "I had him declawed Dr. Dave did it. (As he said this he pointed North and gave me a knowing smirk, as if everyone knew Dr. Dave and his openly secret business of modifying exotic and potentially dangerous animals).

Me: "But it's a wild animal. When it's full grown it'll be this big (gesturing with my hands to show a big fucking animal), and it'll have very large, sharp teeth."

Guy: "He's a sweetheart."

Me: "But if he bites you, even just playing around, he could seriously screw you up you, or maybe a kid or somebody else."

Guy: "He bits me, I bite him right back laughing.

Me: (Looking perplexed) Well, good luck to you.

Guy: (Still laughing and getting back into his SUV) You too and happy new year."

I'm sure this must be some kind of omen, some strange start to the New Year. I'm just not sure I want to know what it is.